Beatles fest leaves Cleveland
Abbey Road heads down I-71 to Kentucky, but local bands have showcase shot in June
by Malcolm X Abram

Wow, you take some time off to stare at the ceiling, watch your football teams lose and absorb the new Mark Lanegan record, and all hell breaks loose.

Let's see; the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum welcomed a few more Ohioans, including the Akronite least likely to be invited to the White House Christmas party, Chrissie Hynde; an apparently disgruntled and obviously disturbed man gunned down a beloved metal figure and a couple of dedicated fans in Columbus; some damning CSI-type evidence tied Michael Jackson and his accuser to the same porno mag; Whitney Houston somehow didn't notice a bus until she'd sodomized it with her Porsche. Also turns out ODB did OD on cocaine and prescription drugs; Brian May and Roger Taylor jump-started Freddie Mercury's grave's spin motion by employing Paul Rodgers to tour with them as Queen; and Lisa Marie Presley sold the rights to her father's name, image and a big chunk of the remaining estate (excluding Graceland) for a reported $100 million.

That's a lot of exciting/unfortunate events for a couple of weeks, and here's another interesting tidbit closer to home: Abbey Road on the River, which has called Cleveland home for three years, is moving to Louisville, Ky., for Memorial Day weekend 2005, ``due to increased pressure in the NE Ohio region on entertainment events,'' event organizer Gary Jacob said in a statement.

Jacob had a few more reasons for moving south, including "a Festival Park and Performing Arts Center directly on the great Ohio River, a mayor's office and mayor who love the Beatles, a convention and visitors bureau eager to welcome Beatle fans from all four corners of the world to their vibrant downtown, a 1,300-room luxury hotel overlooking the festival site and a title sponsor -- Fifth Third Bank -- willing to assist all of this, and more.''

That's OK, Cleveland doesn't need Jacob and the money those Beatles obsessives bring to town. It has the House of Blues and the upcoming CMJ/Rock Hall MusicFest to fill the city's coffers with tourism $$$ and give the CVB something positive to trumpet.

Speaking of the big C-Town rock fest (sorry for the clunky segue folks, but I watched some of the finale of The Swan, and it's blunted my brain and probably tainted my soul a bit, too), as of Dec. 15, the CMJ/Rock Hall MusicFest has officially begun the process of picking folks for the June 9-11 artist/band showcases. But don't bother to pull out your not-quite-updated band press kit and track down band members to take a collection to pay for postage because the CMJ/Rock Hall MusicFest is accepting showcase submissions exclusively as Electronic Press Kits and exclusively through Sonic Bids (www.sonicbids.com). The company promises that for $5 a month and as little as 20 minutes of setup time, you can e-mail your EPK to hundreds of journalists, club owners, promoters, festivals, competitions and anywhere else press kits are necessary.

Serendipitously, I received an EPK from Cleveland-based quartet Dirt a few days ago, and after perusing it, I must agree that it is a convenient and thorough way to share lots of information with no paperwork and, perhaps most important for starving artists, little money.

In Dirt's EPK, for example, I found everything from standard bio stuff to streaming music and video, a set list and even its tour rider, presented in a very logical, easy-to-navigate format. I also discovered that its music has been ``featured on Fox Sports, many extreme sports DVDs in the U.S. and Europe, and is gaining commercial radio success in many markets.'' For me, those are usually three pretty good reasons to completely ignore a band/performer, but since it was so easy to simply click a link and actually listen to the band's eclectic mix of electronica, hip-hop and hard rock, I am now armed with a clear fourth reason to completely ignore them.

Anyway, so far, that's the only way anybody who's not a buzz band is getting on a stage during the shindig. Since I'm sure we all want Summit/Portage counties to represent, I urge thee to get to www.sonicbids.com/cmjrockfest2005 before April 1 and do everything possible to make sure that Cleveland bands (or New York or Chicago) don't dominate the smaller stages at the CMJ/Rock Hall MusicFest.

By the way, though no bands are yet scheduled, ticket and hotel package prices for the CMJ/Rock Hall MusicFest go on sale Jan. 4. The two basic ticket packages are the VIP ($85 before April 15, $99 thereafter), which gets you a one-day pass to the rock hall, a three-day pass to the Festival Village at the Nautica Complex and access to all shows at all venues and to all panels and seminars at the rock hall ``based on availability.''

The All Access package ($135 before April 15, $149 thereafter) adds two more days of access to the rock hall and the Festival Village at the Nautica Complex.

Oh yeah, merry (insert holiday/PC euphemism here) to you and yours.

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